It's like the world is closing in on you. The walls are getting closer and closer and the ceiling is getting lower, but you're the only one who notices.
Your heart starts racing and your thoughts zoom by too fast for you to comprehend. There's something about a deadline and that person you haven't talked to in weeks. There's that thing you did five years ago you wish you could take back and the thing you didn't do that you should have. Another deadline. Why can't you keep track of it all? Did you respond to that email?
And the teacher's talking. He's talking about, did you answer that text? No. You forgot. Again. Gotta text them back. Double the weight and find the wattage you need. What about that thing you were supposed to print out? Did you turn that assignment in? Auditions. What if no one shows up? The bigger the better with motors because it gives you more control over the camera batteries. You didn't plug in the camera batteries.
The room is spinning. The teacher's looking at you. Smile. Laugh. He told a joke. Laughter. Is your script done? Nauseous. So nauseous. Water? Not thirsty. Make sure the motors can support the propellers. Finish that project. Need to contact, but wait you need 18 hours of flight time. You're on level two and should be on level four. What's wrong with you?
Hold on. Did you take your medicine. Yes, but you forgot last week. You're off balance. You're okay. Nauseous. You're okay. Everything is fine. You're in control. So nauseous. And the motors. Write that down. You need to take your medicine. But I was fine. I'm fine. Your medicine. You need to stay balanced.
Why is the room still spinning?
Don't throw up.
Hands in your pockets. It's cold. But you're hot.
Everything is okay.
Class is dismissed. Pack your bag. Breathe. Pack your bag. Breathe. Breathe.
You're fine. You're doing fine.
Everyone's anxiety is different, but none of it is fun. It's not something you snap out of, but you deal with it. Do you know someone with anxiety? Ask them how they're doing or to tell you about what they're feeling. If you suffer from anxiety, talk about it. It can really help. Also visit your doctor, because sometimes you need medication to keep yourself balanced. There's no shame in that.
This blog is a glimpse into my crazy life as a twenty-something female entrepreneur navigating life as the co-owner of a mother-daughter business. Things get pretty insane, but we make it all work.