This is Goodbye

Okay. So maybe this is blog clickbait... this is goodbye but not to you or to this blog (sorry for the scare!). I just wanted to do a little recap of my absolutely insane past few months. They've been some of the hardest months I've had in my entire life, but they've taught me the most beautiful lessons I've ever learned. So this post is my way of saying goodbye to my dark past and hello to my bright future.

Just a few months ago I was preparing for the college graduation I never attended. I made grades I'm proud of and graduated Summa Cum Laude from Morningisde College. Unfortunately, the week of my graduation, my grandmother passed away and instead of walking across the stage, commemorating the accomplishment I've been working toward my whole life, I spent that time preparing for a funeral. Picking flowers, a casket, music, and flipping through photo albums filled with pictures of the woman I called Momo. Then we laid her to rest. Forever. She was gone and that's when my life changed forever.

We went back to Sioux City, almost. I was supposed to be filming the feature film I'd been working on all year. I wrote an original screenplay, casted the parts, found great locations, and was more excited than I'd ever been. Some things happened including cast illnesses and my grandfather's anxiety of being alone. We ultimately turned around and headed back to Florida.

Throughout this whole process my head was spinning. I'd been gone from my hometown for twelve years and now all of a sudden I was back but under the worst possible circumstances. My life was kind of falling apart and, unfortunately, the friends I thought had my back until the end, never called, texted, or messaged asking if I was okay. I get it. We all have lives. But when your "friend" is going through crap like that, you'd think you could spare a second or two just to check on their sanity. Most didn't and, at the time, that killed me.

I've always been closed off. Locks bolted around my heart, because I never wanted to get hurt like I had been in the past. But with some of the people I called friends, best friends, in Sioux City, I let them in. I thought they were in it for the long haul. They weren't. That sucked. But it's okay. If you never let your guard down and care about someone you'll never get hurt. But you'll also never experience how amazing it is to find your best friend. And that best friend could turn into someone even more special than you thought. Yeah, I'm talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend.

During all the madness I had this guy texting me. This guy I'd called my friend for a while. He didn't leave me high and dry. He took time out of his day, every day, to see how I was and what I was up to. I now call that guy my boyfriend and I'm so grateful that God put someone like him in my life. He balances out my sometimes neurotic behavior. He doesn't get angry at me for being late or getting anxious over stupid things. He's just there and it's really nice.

After the funeral, moving back to FL, and all of those fiascos, I moved to Los Angeles for a month. It was supposed to be for six, but lots of stuff happened. None of those things, despite some people's thoughts, had to do with being too homesick or not being able to hack it on my own. They had to do with miscommunications and realizing the dreams I thought I had might not be the dreams I actually had. It's confusing, and I won't get into it in this post. The point is that I moved to LA and then back to FL and that's where I am now.

I'm creating video content for a TV show we were offered, which is crazy exciting. I'm writing my book that I started almost eight years ago. I'm writing screenplays and working with other creative people who share my passions. One of those people is (you probably guessed it) my mom and business partner. We've expanded PNN and upped the quality of our productions. We've opened a bookstore called The Bookshelf and Me (www.thebookshelfandme.com) and we have a lot of other projects going on. Life is good. Really good.

On top of it all, we're going to New York City in FOUR DAYS! My dream city. My dream trip. It's happening and I'm freaking out (in a good way!).

The point of all of this is that the last few months have really, really, really sucked. But even through those tough moments, when I thought life couldn't get any worse or that God somehow forgot about me down here, He didn't. He never has, not for a second. 

If you're going through a tough time right now, I know it's hard to think that things could get better. But trust me when I say, everything turns around eventually. Every storm passes. Every downhill spiral comes back up. You just have to wait it out.

Don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to, a friend to chat with, or just a random person to listen to your problems. I'm always here.

xoxo Jenni

I've  Been  Loving  this  song!